Family Jokes

*Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

A married man was asked to perform his SWOT(Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, his strength is his wife.
His weakness is neighbour's wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when he himself goes out.

Once a wife asked her husband 'What is the difference between accident and bad luck?'
The Husband replied 'If you mistakenly slip into the well being dug up outside our house, that means an accident. But if you are saved and come back, then it will be my bad luck.

A man is boasting to his buddies that he is taking his wife to Rome for their 40th wedding anniversary.
'What will you do for your 50th?' one of them asks.
'I'll go and get her.'

My wife complains that I don't fight fair. I told her I was taught, when you're wrong, admit it... when you're right.... shut up.

I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!' shouted the woman to her husband!
The husband replied, 'You should've known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!'

Wife : You delivered an excellent speech.
Hubby : Thanks dear, but the audience was full of fools & idiots.
Wife : Is that why you addressed them as your brothers & sisters?

A father charges into the bathroom and starts yelling at his son "Son! How many times have I told you not to do that? Stop it! If you keep doing that, you'll go blind!"
The son replies: "I'm over here, Dad."